


Love and other Tragedies

by Spacegaywritings



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ABO, Bad Ending, Diary/Journal, Drama, Implied Tragedy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Omegaverse, mentions of noncon, psych ward kinda, remrom - Freeform, romancentric, small smexy time reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegaywritings/pseuds/Spacegaywritings
Summary: Remus is but a disturbed omega recovering in the King Romulus Recovery Center sharing a room with Roman. The beta is delighted and takes the role of a guide, a friend and eventually more than that before he has to face the truth of his pretty tale.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan (Sanders Sides), Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	1. Mute

**Author's Note:**

> I will try and update daily for this week since it is the week Remus was introduced last year! It is remrom pride, everyone. Don't like, dont read :)
> 
> Tags: remrom, remrom remrom in all the ways, mental health issues, temporary mutism, instability, institution, friends to lovers, gay, arguments, break downs, nightmares, being lost.

15th MAR

Dear Diary,

Recently, my room was assigned to be shared with another patient. While I do not mind the company, I cannot help but find the other person unsettling. BUT as the prince I am, I will sweep them off their feet and put a smile on their face!  
The doctors said he is sick and needs time. He did not even speak at me, did not even look at me. I am just a beta but he might be a frightened omega. We are all here for jittery reasons - might as well make it an outstanding time and turn the time spent here into something valuable!

Aha! I have an idea: I will lure him by singing all my favourite Disney songs - which are all of them, as you know - and remind him of the joys of life again!  
Diary! It is my sworn duty to make my roommate smile again!

Roman

***

18th MAR

Dear Diary,

The food here is still nothing but atrocious but I am not advanced enough to be allowed to cook myself. I might have to complain about this. I am a prince, not a mere mortal! I should be allowed to cook without a “comfort” group or an alpha supervising me.  
Some of the people here are getting nicer. I want to go home.

Remus is my roommate’s name. He did not tell me but I found out. He does not speak but he flinches in the night a lot. It gets so bad, I wake up.  
It hurts my heart. It makes me ache.

Oh, dear diary, why do hearts break?

Roman

***

27th MAR

Dear Diary!

I know I should be writing into you more but I am busy with the duties of being a good and honourable man! I have taken upon me the duties of proving myself worthy of cooking on my own! I will subject myself to the humiliating conditions of group-work with scorn but take it like an admirable being.

The roommate is barely there. We only sleep together. Sometimes I find him sitting on the bed, just staring blankly.  
He looks like a ghost, far away and not belonging into this world - and they call ME a dreamer!

I cannot wait to tell my family about him.

PS.: I realised I never told you about my success in pursuing the quest of making the mute man smile in delight and sigh in relief. About this, I must admit defeat until further notice. I hope to write onto your pages with better news.  
The doctors encourage me to socialise him. They seem doubtful... I don’t know whether to doubt the look in his eyes or the hesitation in the doctor’s faces when I tell them about my dreams.

Sincerely,  
Roman, prince of hearts.

***

31st MAR

DIARY DEAREST!

The mute master looked at me!  
The eye contact was a matter of moments but he stole something from me! I will forever try to make him smile!

I started taking him around more. He follows like a sheep but listens like a stone. Whenever I see him, I encourage him to tag along. He does not react well to other people.

On another note, I found a more satisfying outcome in my kitchen endeavours! Patton - a fellow beta of block C - cooked with me for a few days and agrees to my ideas! We shall prove ourselves as trustworthy and strong.  
Starting next month, we will be allowed to cook in dyads if we have cooked in groups without any incidents. I hate the rules but understand the sentiment. I wish to make better meals, again, the felicious fellow agrees! Yet, we need to wait. Fresher ingredients will come with the progress of spring.

Roman

***

1st APR

Dearest of Diaries!

I shall think of a name for you! It started becoming more than tiresome to keep addressing you as “Diary”. I should have never had the disrespect of giving you a formal title and never a name, given the intimate nature of our encounters.

Apparently, the start of a month brings about movie nights! This night, we shall decide on a set of movies we want to indulge in. Obviously, I suggested Disney for I could not choose between any of my darling babies (personally, I think it to be a crime to prefer one over the other)!

Does Grace sound good for you? I will have to ponder deliberately on a worthy name for you, my dearest of diaries.

There are news on the roommate called Remus. The nightly shivers subsided after a special event last night. I shall review the past to you, so you can understand the happenings fully!

I had been awaken by the sound of sobs. Well, this was not the first time, mind you, but it was much louder than usual. For once, I felt overwhelmed by the urge to embrace the suffering sport and therefore nudged and invited him into my arms.  
We ended up in a deep snuggle which gifted us with slumber.

The next day was normal. He did not talk or anything but he he looked at me again and started gesturing and indicating instead of staring at me or blankly looking holes into the air.  
Remus does not speak but when I came from the shower, singing “I see the light”, he seemed at ease.

The doctors looked funny when we went to go and eat in the canteen. Usually, he refuses even the food that is brought up to our room. He tagged along and left instead of eating but at least he came.  
Oh, dearest Mary (my name for you, after the wonderful and most beloved Mary Poppins), I am a true knight in shining armour. I will save the man from unhappy thoughts and painful memories. I have committed myself to his recovery!

Sincerely,  
Your priceless prince Roman.


	2. Dreams are my Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman, Patton and Remus grow somewhat closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: crying, institutionalised, underlying mental health issues, food mention, implied trauma, talks of doctors and therapy

2nd APR 

Oh, beloved Mary!

Can you believe it! They are not giving us knives! They said we are in a more intense care unit and cannot be given knives, not even plastic ones.   
I am enraged at this but Remus does not seem to mind. Well, he does not even eat.

The food brought to him stopped and now they give him liquid things. He eats them and I told him I was glad he finally ate because I was worried.  
He smiled and hummed but did not say anything. I really think I am helping him get better.

Yours truly,   
Prince Roman.

PS:  
HE CUDDLED WITH ME! I THINK HE TRUSTS ME!

ROMAn-

4th APR

Dearest Mary, my heart and soul !

Snuggling with the little beta makes my heart swoon. He won over my affections already. I shall be the bestest of friends for him and care like nobody else did before! As a self-declared prince I swore to him I shall slay all his enemies.  
Again, he smiled. He looked like a dream, Mary.

He still comes to lunch with me but shies away from other people.  
I really thought he might like Patton.

Yours,  
A sad prince.

5th APR

Mary dear, I need to rush !

They are considering taking the little gremlin away from me. We don’t have keys to lock ourselves in but I did shut the door and I will sit in front of it until they leave. Nobody take him away!

Roman

6th APR

Oh my, oh my. Mary, my heart.

I might have made a mistake.  
They said they wanted to take him to the doctor because he refused to go but I got upset and yelled and he cried and now I feel all ruined inside. 

I am a rotten prince.  
We cried together and hugged until he was calm. Then they took him to therapy. He was really tired in his face when he got back and laid on top of me and made funny noises until I held him and then he fell asleep.  
I will keep the mean thoughts away from him.

Yours,   
Prince Roman.

7th APR

Mary, my love.

I wish you could speak with me. I wonder what you feel in your heart. I feel fuzzy and it tickles me greatly. When I see him, I smile.

I apologised to him, once more. This time, I made it a grand thing and offered him a little drawing. We only have crayons because other pens are too sharp, I think. They scratch.  
I drew him with a happy smile and said he is lovely.

Remus teared up and hugged me and I carried him to lunch. He drank his food and I gave him a spoon of my soup. He looked about to cry and Patton said nice things but Remus only hugged me.

I feel so warm, I could cry.

Yours,  
The loving Prince Roman

12th APR

Mary! Mary!

I cannot believe it!! Maybe if I write it to you, it actually happened!  
Remus talked. It was not much but he said my name when he woke up and I almost cried.

Yours,  
Prince Roman!

13th APR

Mary of mine!

Remus tried Patton’s salad.  
Things are normal.

Keep forgetting to write you.. therapy is getting weird and scary but as a good prince, I will face every duty and adventure without fear! I shall continue on my quest to betterment.

Yours,  
A struggling but trying Prince!

15th APR

Dear Mary,

I am allowed to move up into another block soon. Unless I don’t stay stable, they will move me. I will be away from Remus.  
They said I will get time to go out and even have kitchen time but I don’t want to go anymore. What is the point of cooking or using cutlery when I can’t be here?

Patton and I got really close and Remus is a bit more at ease around him. Remus started talking a bit after coming from therapy again. He is going to the doctors again but does not speak about it.  
I wonder if he is okay. He is here with me, so he can’t be okay.

At least he started speaking a bit. It is just a few words at once but he does speak! He repeats things a lot like when he says “soup soup soup!” and he does not stop for a while but that is okay. When I touch him, he goes quiet and snuggles up to him.   
I told him I like him very much and he hugged me.

I feel really confused. I start remembering things and they scare me.  
He holds me, now.

Yours,  
Prince Roman.


	3. Weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: mentions of panic attacks and mental breakdowns, crying, implied trauma, implied loss, bad treatment, insulting, longing, pining, unstable roman, psych ward mention

20th APR

Mary -

I do not know how to speak to you.  
Things are odd.  
I feel ashamed writing here.

I was taken to another block, so I could see whether I liked it. Apparently, I had a panic attack. Very unprincely! I don’t remember anything. I saw a family member visit a patient and broke down.

The therapist said I need more time. I don’t like going there, it hurts.

Remus cheers me up - or cheered. He was taken away into intensive care. They said he is dangerous to himself or others.  
I feel like I am dying and he is not there.

I wanna go back home but there is no home..

Yours,  
Roman

21st APR

Good day, Mary.

I think Remus is back. They said he will come back if he wants to. They said there was a mistake and he is okay but can decide whether he feels good enough to come.  
I am very confused.

Life feels so weird and unreal. I don’t know how to handle this, to be honest. I ... I need support. I am glad I have you, Mary. I don’t think I have expressed that before. You help me.

Patton looks at me funny and I insulted him. He said it is okay and he helped me talk a bit. He is nice. Why can’t therapy this nice?

Yours,   
Prince Roman


	4. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags! :  
> psychiatry, psych ward, therapy, kisses, remrom, snuggles, cuddles and somft stuff, food and eating mention, comfort, friends, royality friends, intrurality friends, romantic stuff; food mention, eating mention, doctors, sickness mention, heat and omega mention, Patton is sick, allergies, implied trauma, implied orphan roman, implied dissociation, pessimism, hints of depression talk and thoughts, black/white morals, “villain” as insult, first relationship fights

22st APR

MARY MARY!

They said Remus will come back later! I am so delighted! My bed was weird without him but now I am happier!  
Patton and I will bake him something nice, so he can be happy.

He seems to like red things. I asked for fresh fruits but they only have frozen things. I can’t wait to see Remus again.   
Patton is also happy. He hugged me really tight.

We are happy royals and we will wait for our friend.

Yours,   
Prince Roman

23rd APR

Hello Mary, dear.

It is really dark but they got Remus back. Normally, they should not operate this late but they promised him to get back today, so they did it anyway.  
I am glad he is here. 

Remus speaks and we hugged a lot and he kissed me and I am very fuzzy inside.  
I feel like someone lit a candle inside of me and it dances. He is asleep and we are cuddling but I can’t rest, so I am writing you.

He did not get his cupcake but we prepared it for him. He can have it tomorrow. The kitchen is closed when it is late.

Yours,   
A happy Prince Roman

24th APR

Hello, holden maid, oh Mary dearest!

Remus is still the fairest of them all! I ended up drifting off to sleep and I feel invigorated! Remus is really excited about the cupcake but shared it with us! We ate with spoons.  
He said he does not get liquid food anymore and he ate lunch with us! He was on my lap and we snuggled a lot. We took a nap with Patton because they said I looked tired.

I have therapy and I am scared of it but I will face it, of course!

Remus goes to the same therapist as I do and he said they got him there by mistake because they got overly worried. I think it is wrong but I can’t really tell my therapist. I mean, I can but he can’t explain to me why they did what they did because of confidentiality.  
I am happy it exists but it makes me iffy, too.

I am looking forward to holding Remus again.

PS: I went to therapy now and they said my condition is better. I had a really hard time getting up before but I am doing better. 

Yours,  
Prince Roman

25th APR

Greetings, lovely Mary!

Remus is back and I feel rather calm. Patton left for a bit because he felt odd. The doctors are watching over him. Maybe it is heat? I don’t know. Remus said it doesn’t smell like it but I don’t know because I never really met omegas, I think.

I am worried and my heart feels heavy but Remus holds my hand and says the people know what they are doing. I laugh inside when he is there even when I feel like sobbing.  
Remus said he would slay my monsters and demons if I needed help.

He said he is no prince but to me, he is the prince of my dreams.  
We will stay up all night for Patton and think about him. Remus said it helps if you wish your energy to someone else.

I really hope it does. Not being with Patton tastes salty.

Yours,   
A hopefuly princey who found his prince!

27th APR

Oh, loyal Mary!

I have missed you! It was only day but it feels as if years have passed!

We pestered the doctors and they said Patton wants us to know he is okay. Something like food allergy or something.  
Remus was right.  
He is not much older than me but he has a few more months, I think. He is really clever about all these things but I know better stories than he does! His stories are usually sad because he says life is sad.

It makes me sad to hear that and he said he will stop saying it but can’t stop thinking it.  
He looks really far away when he says these things.

Remus is a really sad prince, I think. He seems sadder than I feel.

Things feel so confusing. Therapy hurts and I cry a lot but Remus is really nice afterwards. He sneaks me his dessert and makes me laugh when I cry.  
My chest is so scarred inside.

Mary, is life really this bad?   
I wish mom and dad were here to say it wasn’t but they can’t.

I don’t know whether cuddles are enough to make it better.

Yours,  
A tiredly trying and fighting prince

28th APR

Hello Mary.

I am very tired.

Patton is back and I could not be happier but he and Remus don’t seem happy together. It feels weird. Remus is growing a funny mustache. He said it is about aesthetic and I said he looks like a villain and then he got silent and left.

We had lunch without him.  
I really miss nice things.

My therapist showed my pictures and I cried the whole hour. Patton cuddled me a lot and we talked. I have goosebumps. My skin does not have them anymore but I still feel the chilliness inside of me.  
No matter how many blankets I put on, the room is still dark and cold.

Everything is so weird..  
It feels like all things are my fault and it hurts ..hurts so much, I can’t breathe. I might talk to a nurse to help me because it really hurts and I feel like I am drowning. My ears are rushing.

Maybe Remus was right and life is painful.

I don’t care. I still believe in princes. If they help Remus a lot and I am not so mean, maybe he can be my prince?  
It is not nice to call your fuzzy friend a villain and I feel like bile tastes. 

It is not nice, Mary.

Yours,   
A dreamer.


	5. You can’t rush Things you want to last forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets extremely close to Roman. Patton leaves to another block and Roman is in therapy.. trying to make sense of how much Remus is changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW mention! You have been warned!! It is heavily implied and I can only stress that Roman and Remus are two consenting adults who are NOT related in this AU (if you read previous tags you might know why)  
> Again: you can SKIP it if it makes you uncomfortable
> 
> Tags: smexy time (implied), panic attack, internal biases, omega remus,mating, bonding, omega Roman, shady Remus, therapy mention, feelings

1st MAY

Hello Mary.

I know it has been a few days ever since I wrote into you. I am sorry about this. I don’t mean to let you down. Things have been a lot these days.

Remus and I held hands again and he said he really likes me and we kissed more. He said he was upset at Patton about something. I don’t really get why but we can’t sit together again.   
He started playing pranks on others and he keeps saying he won’t stay long even thought he has not been here for as long as I have. Why would he leave earlier?

I am reading my fairy tales again. I have been in here for several months now but I feel really good. They want to take me to Block B again and Remus said he will support me. Patton cried but he hugged me lots and said he will try really hard to be good.  
He left for Block B today. They have knives, I think. You usually stay there for a few days or weeks and then they help you live outside again.

I really don’t want Patton to go.  
I gave him my book and wrote my full name into it. I don’t think I have a home but my old address is in there. If he can’t see me in Block B because I am not stable enough, then he can still find me with my name.

Remus said it is a special day and he will make me feel good, so I don’t have to cry so much. Adults shouldn’t cry and I turned older before Remus even came into my room.

Feels so odd to think that he didn’t even speak back then.

OH! I apologised about the mustache. He said it is okay but he looked really like he was super hurt. He hugged me and said he was not mad at me but at life because people teach others that some innocent things are bad.

He is right, I think. Mustaches are just hair - they can’t be bad. Still, seeing them makes me think he is kind of bad.  
Remus said he needs to talk to me tonight. I hope I can tell you about it tomorrow. His snuggles really help. He gets so excited to be with me that i can’t really be sad. 

He is my hero with a mustache, Mary. I really love him.

Yours,  
Prince Roman

2nd MAY

MARY!

I am a man!

I - I also know Remus is an omega now. I felt it.  
He came to me in the night and we took off our clothing. Actually, he did everything and I felt vulnerable but he made me feel big. I can still feel him tingle on my skin. His touch made something in me stir.

I feel different now but I am glad. It is nice.  
He was so close to me and hugged me all the time. Remus smells so sweet. I did not know he was an omega. I think they give him things to suppress his heat.

I think I hurt him and I asked him. He kissed me and we fell asleep.  
I dreamed he broke up with me after giving me a kiss. I don’t know whether it was a dream or whether I was in a daze. He sometimes talks when I sleep and it wakes me up.

I feel so close to him. He wears my mark but he feels so distant too.  
It really hurts.  
Life is so confusing. Love is so confusing.

I am flying, Mary.  
Is this a good thing?

Block B will take me to see my room again. They want to take me and Remus won’t come.  
Isn’t it illegal to separate you from your mate without your consent?

Yours,  
A manly prince Roman.

3rd MAY

Dearest Mary.

I think I will stop writing you - not completely but at least as much. The therapist says I am doing really well and can keep journalling but don’t have to. He went through the things with me to help me with my feelings because I didn’t understand everything.

It helps, I think.  
I know I really like Patton and I miss him and being close to him. It feel very pure to be with him - like when you fulfil a really great duty and get rewarded!  
Being with Remus is more intense. I don’t know how to phrase it. I feel drawn to him but at the same time, nothing really matters but us. It is strange and I feel selfish but it is still nothing I can feel bad for.   
Picani said it is okay to love and have needs. He only asked me to be careful because he cannot control my life but needs to trust my with my decisions.

I don’t know what he means but it is nice that he trusts me. It reminds me of dad. It hurts to think of him because I won’t see any of them again but it is also ... comforting.

Remus said he will leave.  
I thought he meant he will leave because I will move to Block B very soon but he will be removed from the institution. I don’t know why.  
He is really quiet again and said something about justice coming from him.

I get anxious and can’t breathe but Picani told me how to breathe anyway. This is one of these panic attacks but I don’t know why it scares me so much to think about Remus leaving.  
Maybe it is because we are mates and I would miss my scruffier half.

Love you, Mary. I hope I can still write into you even without Picani helping me.


	6. Too fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Remus is taken away by the police. Roman does not comprehend the tragedy about to happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: orphaned roman, crying, fighting, police mention, mentions of court, implied crime, implied criminal remus, implied royality, pessimism, hopelessness, court stuff, polyamorous Remus

4th MAY

Hey Mary.

I... I will update you again. I said I don’t know whether I will but life teaches me new lessons all the time.

So, I packed my things to move to Block B and I wanted to start. Remus was there and said goodbye to me. I was confused because we wanted to pack together, you know! But he said he will be taken away to court because justice is waiting for him. He also said something about the world being unfair and my eyes hurt just thinking about it.

It really hurt me when he says these things. I think it is because I don’t know what happened to him but it reminds me of how I don’t have a family anymore because life is not always fair, no matter how often I wish for it to be.

Maybe it is fair and I did not get to the part where it gets fair?

I told him what I felt and that I will miss him nonetheless because he is my first mate and he-he said I was his first and maybe his last but that he really liked me despite all things.

He said he hurt people, so he was too dangerous anyway. That was why they had him locked up with me. This is why he won’t get to Block B where they have the knives. He might hurt others or himself with the knives.

He is clever. I don’t know whether he would do that.

I feel.. bad.

I asked Picani for help but he finished me as his patient and is not allowed to take me in again unless I am moved. I need to go to the new therapist. I hope he will be nice like Picani and help me, too. Feelings are really hard but Picani - no, I can call him Emile now!..I um- oh yes, he gave me a chart with feelings on it. It has colours and helps me say what kind of things I am feeling and how bad it is. This really helps.

Remus was taken away. I think the police was there.

Everything is blurry.

I don’t think we have shared rooms in Block B. I don’t know... they give omegas and betas rooms together a lot because the social stuff helps them get better a lot.

Patton said he thinks Remus was here until he would speak again because he refused to speak before. I don’t know. It feels wrong to lock someone into a mental hospital just to make them speak and then put them into jail. Or is it prison? I don’t know, I really don’t.

I asked Remus for his info, so I can call him or maybe write to him but he said he will be locked up and taken to court really soon. I think I won’t get to call him, then.

I lost my family and my mate.

I feel so bad.

I think Block B is really too much right now but they will take me anyway. I pretend it is an adventure of finding Patton again, so we can be reunited. I look forward to his hugs.

Picani said Block B has outside space and we get to go out, too. This is really nice. I am looking forward to it. I want to smell roses again. My mom liked yellow ones so much.

I will make a flower crown. When I get out, I will visit mom’s stone and tell her about you. I will bring her roses, so she knows I remember her.

Thank you, Mary. You are a really good friend.

I feel better. I hope, you do, too. I will finish packing now.

Yours,

Roman, the son

19th MAY

Hello Mary!

It is I, your favourite Prince Roman!

It has been ages ever since I wrote into you - so long, even, I almost did not find you!

Patton and I united in Block B. We got out already and recently moved in together. Moving is a real mess but we did it all on our own because we are strong and healthy young men!

Patton giggles like the angels in my heart! He is a true delight.

He gave me my fairy tale book back but I asked him to keep it. I got him with me all the time now. The institution has us in a special living space, so someone will always be on demand if we need help. Also, we will be visited regularly and helped with finding jobs.

I am delighted to be back on my feet. I never got to finish school, so I am looking into high schools! I know my family is not alive to see it but I will make them proud, still. Patton got his degree because he is a bit older. He wants to work on the side to prove he is good enough and can cope with things.

I am glad I have him.

I .. I am writing you because I am okay but also because I am not really okay, you know. Patton and I moved in one go and it was really exhausting, so we got takeout food - I love those pizza roll things! They are a true blessing to the tongue! Well, anyway.. We saw the news and they said the court proceedings are running - they are running against Remus.

I could not listen to what they said he had done but I saw him and his partners who were said to speak in his defence. I cried too much to hear more and Patton shut everything.

He asked a lot of questions. I liked about Remus that he did not ask questions and let us be quiet. I know it helps but it also hurts because I need a bit of time.

We cuddled and fell asleep.

I could not sleep and stayed up. I ended up looking into high schools more. Might have found one my sibling wanted to go to. I wish we could have gone together.

Yours,

Prince Roman - now in the real world!


	7. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus' court case comes to an end, prompting Roman to make an impulsive, fateful decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: death, suicide, bad ending, execution, corrupt government, double death implied, mentions of polyamorous relationships (remus x logan x virgil x Janus), sort of suicide note, remy mentions, flowers, implied sexual assault, attempted rape allegations, implied abuse, angst angst and drama af

21st MAY

One last time, Mary.

I feel really bad to do this but I think if I keep up writing to help myself, I need to start with a new book. Conveniently, you actually are about to run out. Still, I think our ways about to split. I need to start over.

Patton and I are close. We are dating, actually. It is comfortable to be with the little prince of hearts. He makes me really happy.  
It is important to realise that I deserve a healthy relationship that makes me happy. We both still go to therapy and Doctor Archimeda tells me that we accept the kind of love we think we deserver.

I don’t know whether Remus was bad for me or wanted to be bad at all. Maybe he is bad for himself. He seemed really hurt.  
I did not want to look at all the things they said on TV but I went outside to apply for a job on the side. I found a school course to take me in but I need money. I feel icky just thinking about the idea of taking my family’s money for this - I know I shouldn’t feel down about this but I do. Things will get better. Doctor Archimeda is really out to pull my strings and lure me out of my reserve. It is uncomfortable but change and development is disgusting a lot. He said that butterflies look really ugly before they come out and during their first days. It kinda helps to think of that.  
Patton calls me his butterfly prince, now. He is my prince of hearts. When I tell him, he giggles and gets all flustered. He said I am the most handsome prince in the world but to be frank, I think he is the most handsome one.

I really love him.

About Remus..  
I think I keep distracting from the topic because I don’t really want to write down what happened. It hurts to think about it. He looks so small when people question him. His partners sit on the side and hold hands or each other.  
They seem to love him so much, it hurts me for them.

Love really is something.

They said he murdered someone.  
He said it was protection.  
Apparently, someone assaulted him and one of his partners but his partner is really anxious and scared, so he froze up while Remus defended them both. It was an alpha.  
No wonder he was in a metal hospital that excludes alphas - even the staff is not allowed to be alphas. It’s a true horror story.

The newspapers say that Remus would be best off pleading for insanity.  
I know he is not insane. He is honest in his eyes.

When I saw his eyes and he was questioned, I really did not want to be alive. He looks so betrayed. I understand that he said all these things.  
I wondered whether I should write him a letter and tell him I am sorry and that Patton and I are better but miss him because he was a nice friend.

I am scared of what he will say - if he actually answers.

OH! Also, dearest Mary! I think you will be happy to hear about this.

Patton went to visit my family.  
It was quiet but it is sunny and warm here because it is May already. Summer is about to start, so Patton wore a dress.  
He is scared of wearing nice things when he is alone because people harass him a lot. He was in because he did not have a Remus to protect him from others.

I told my family I am engaged to Patton.  
Things are fast but they are doing well.

Mary...  
I am scared.  
I think they will say Remus was guilty because he ended up taking a high-ranked alpha’s life and nobody believes he did it to protect himself and his mate because they are omegas. They think they planned it.  
I think it is because he is dating more than one person and that scares people.

I think it is swell for him to have multiple princes. I just want him to be happy.

Farewell, love.

Yours truly,  
Prince Roman, soon-to-be king of Patton’s heart only.

3rd JUN

Hello, friend.

You are a new diary. I feel bad for replacing Mary but I think I need to keep writing. I.. I am not telling Patton. It feels wrong but he thinks Remus is bad.  
He says it is wrong because he did a wrong thing - even if he did it for the right reasons. I - don’t you think it is okay to protect someone? They were not the aggressors, so why is it wrong to defend your own life when someone threatens it?

I feel icky.

I can’t talk to Patton about it.

I will start school in a few weeks and for now, I am working in a flower shop.  
I..I saw one of his partner come in. Someone had to send me home. I told Patton I saw yellow roses and got upset, so he suggested I look for another job if I am still too hurt.  
I feel bad for lying but I can’t imagine feeling as betrayed as Remus. The whole world seems against him and his partners look so gentle. It was the anxious one. He is tall but seems timid - from what I can remember.

I wonder how I shall name you, fellow journal. You deserve to be a named, considering you are my accomplice in this matter.

I want to find the anxious one and tell him what happened.  
Maybe I can tell them that Remus is nice and gentle and never hurt anyone. He did not get knives because Remus said they thought he would hurt himself to evade the sentence.  
He said he would never accept a death sentence because it is a shame to be sentenced unfairly for unfair things and by an unfair state.

I wonder whether he is wise or stupid saying all these things but he has opinions stronger than my body. (Yes, I started working out! I want to carry Patton on our wedding day! We consider next year in April. It is the day we three got really close friends. It means a lot to me.)

I will write a letter to the court.  
I can tell them how nice Remus is! I just don’t know whether I am any use. I have Mary (my old journal) to help me remember things but I am unsure. People will think I am too insane because I was in a mental hospital. They did not call it that but it was one.

I don’t know.

I don’t want him to die.

The timid partner looked so peaceful. I bet Remus is happy with them. I think his name is Virgil. The others are Janus and Logan.

I will talk to my therapist. Archimeda is clever and knows a lot of things.

27th JUN

Greetings, Friendo!

I am still working at the flower shop.  
They said Remus is guilty but some people are writing petitions and starting demonstrations. I want to go, too.  
Patton says it is wrong. I asked him whether he would rather have Remus and his partner dead because a man wanted to do whatever with them. He was silent but I don’t think he feel different, now.

I think I will call you Justice.

Archimeda helped me write a letter. He said it is okay to support others but he recommended I take it slow or I will get hurt. He said I am too scared of losing people but that happens a lot.  
How can people be so indifferent to this?

I will send my letter as an open letter. I never told Patton these things in there, so maybe he won’t know. I don’t really care if he knows. I am scared he will get mad but I found new friends and I asked Remy if I could sleep at his place in case my engagement broke off,  
He asked why.  
I said because I am scared. He thinks it is okay.  
He was the one who sent me home when I saw Virgil and then the stars.

Yours,  
The one and lonely Roman

30th JUN

Justice, hello.

I think I am no prince more.

Patton found out it is my letter and broke off the engagement. I visit my parents a lot more and bring them many flowers. Remy helps me with colours because he acts like a huge bitch but is actually a really nice person.

I wish Patton was as kind as he is.

Remus..  
His partners held hands when he got the sentence.

They will execute him soon. They think it is a waste to keep a young omega living if he is criminal already and refuses to become “better” and fit into his role.  
The media quieted down. Some depict him as villain.

He still has the mustache.

I sentenced him, when I called him a villain.

I will join my family but I cancelled the highschool first and left Remy enough money for more rent. He will get all the money I saved for the wedding. I wrote him a letter, asking him to give you and Mary to Remus’ partners.

I will be a real butterfly.  
And first I will be ugly.  
Then I will be pretty with my beloved family.

Yours,  
Prince “Butterfly” Roman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might fuck around and write a sequel ;))) Wanna know? Subscribe to get notifications when I update or peek into my Tumblr for writing updates and upcoming projects! (i sound like a youtuber ending their videos)


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